Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
