on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
