You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im holly from the hills drunk
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
