and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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