who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
