i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
