Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
