Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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