In the future we'll all be gay
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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