roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
did you just send me my own nude
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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