I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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