Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
