I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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