I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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