Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
