How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
