I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Four minutes until I can fart!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
