You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
