This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
