Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
