Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Please don't give away my fajitas
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
