Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
