Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
