i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
