You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
