just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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