I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
