Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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