I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
