My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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