you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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