This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
