Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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