Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
