sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out