So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.