This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.