He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
