jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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