I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
