but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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