Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
