shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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