my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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