Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
