Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
