The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
