it was like his penis was on wheels.
Everything about him screamed your future.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize