I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
