I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
