Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
