idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
