So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
