DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
3 2 1 whiskey
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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