You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
