Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
