I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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