please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
