Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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