Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
