Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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