Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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