how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
