lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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