Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I am midnight drunk by noon
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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