In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
worst night to have a conscience
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
