Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
