I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
