I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
