I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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